SMOKY'S BEAUTY TIPS
by Fatboy Babushka™



SMOKY::  Fatboy, may I speak to you? I have an idea that I'd like to run by you.

FATBOY::  "Yes, of course, I'm always interested in new ideas. Shoot!"

SUNNY::  Fatboy, I have an idea too.

SMOKY::  Really? What's your idea?

SUNNY::  You go first Smoky.

SMOKY::  Well, Fatboy, I was thinking that maybe I could be featured on Fatboy's ART Center page.

SUNNY::   Oh, that was my idea; too. Can I be featured too Fatboy?

FATBOY::   "Well, first of all, I would like to know what your idea is Smoky. I mean, what is it that you would like to do?"

SMOKY::   I would like to share my beauty tips.

SUNNY::   That was my idea too.

FATBOY::   "Really Sunny? What a coincidence."

SMOKY::   Sunny, you don't know anything about beauty tips.

SUNNY::   I do too.

SMOKY::   Then give me one beauty tip about .......... eyebrows.

SUNNY::   Well ..... they should always be above your eyes.

FATBOY::   "He's right, Smoky. Always above the eyes".

SMOKY::   That's not a beauty tip. Everybody knows that!

SUNNY::   How do you know? You don't know everything Smoky.

SMOKY::   Well I know that I've never seen an eyebrow anywhere else, that's how I know.

SUNNY::   I saw one underneath a nose once.

FATBOY::   "MOL!"

SMOKY::   That's called a mustache.

SUNNY::   Oh, that's right.

FATBOY::   "Now, then, Smoky, how exactly did you want to be featured? I mean, do you have a script or a presentation?"

SMOKY::   Well, I could give beauty tips every week and teach kitties how to look their best. For instance, the first week, I could talk about how to groom nails.

SUNNY::   Who cares about that?

SMOKY::   A lot of people. I can teach kitties how to trim their nails and make them look beautiful.

SUNNY::   Well, I hope you will tell everybody to cut their toenails and stop putting those fake nails on them.

FATBOY::   "MOL!"

SMOKY::   Sunny, no one puts fake nails on their toenails.

SUNNY::   Well, I saw a lady with long toenails once and they were scary ... just sayin'.

SMOKY::   Sunny, with all due respect, you don't know what you are talking about ... no offense.

SUNNY::   Oh, none taken. She had a hole in her sock too. And they were popping out. Oh, they were creepy.

FATBOY::   "MOL! Who was it Sunny?"

SUNNY::   Oh, just some lady. I don't like to mention names.

SMOKY::   This is ridiculous Fatboy. May I continue please?

FATBOY::   "Of course. I apologize. Continue Smoky."

SMOKY::   So, as I was saying, I can teach kitties how to do a manicure and ....

SUNNY::   Manicure Shmanicure! Just tell them to bite them. That's what I do.

SMOKY::   We all know you're a nail-biter, Sunny.

SUNNY::   Take that back, Smoky! You take that back.

SMOKY::   Okay, I take it back. Fatboy, maybe I should just jot down all my ideas and you can look them over. Let me know when I can teach my first seminar on your page.

SUNNY::   Fatboy, may I offer you my idea?

FATBOY::   "Of course, my good man. Please share with us."

SUNNY::   Well, you may or may not know this ... but I have been studying verbs.

SMOKY::   Why?

SUNNY::   Because it's part of my curriculum to get my online degree.

SMOKY::   I didn't know you were taking an online course.

SUNNY::   Oh, there are many things you don't know about me, Smoky. I have been a scholar for quite some time now.

FATBOY::   "Yes; he's been keeping it a secret, Smoky."

SMOKY::   A well hidden secret, if you ask me no offense, Sunny.

SUNNY::   Oh, none taken.

FATBOY::   "Well, I would love to feature you on my page as well, Sunny. Tell us about these verbs you are studying."

SMOKY::   He probably means proverbs.

SUNNY::   Oh, yes. Sometimes they are called proverbs too; and I have become quite the expert if I may say so. Anyways, I would like to do a resuscitation of proverbs.

SMOKY::   You mean ... bring them back to life?

SUNNY::   So to speak. I will be impervising. I have my notes here somewhere .... I'll be right back.

*Sunny goes and looks for his book of proverbs ..... "oh where is that book, I hope I haven't been robbed or anything ... AHA! Here it is".*

SMOKY::   Fatboy, may I have a word with you in private?

FATBOY::   "Of course, little one. Step right this way."

SMOKY::   Well, you know how sometimes Sunny gets things a little mixed up ... I don't know if it's such a good idea to let him go on your page and recite something he knows nothing about.

SUNNY::   I heard that Smoky. Perhaps you'll change your tune and sing out the other side of your mouth when you hear my proverbs.

FATBOY::   "I think we should give him a chance, Smoky. I for one, would like to know what he's learned. You may proceed, Sunny."

SUNNY::   Thank you Fatboy. Well, I thought I could come out wearing my graduation cap and gown.

SMOKY::   What cap and gown?

SUNNY::   The one that I'll be receiving when I finish my on-line course to become a philosopher ... yeesh! Haven't you been listening?













FATBOY::   "So far I like it, Sunny! Then what?"

SUNNY::   Well, then after a few words to all our friends that I have received my degree ....

SMOKY::   But you haven't received your degree yet, Sunny.

SUNNY::   A mere technicality, Smoky. No one ever checks out that stuff and besides ... once I send them my $10.00, they'll send me my degree.

FATBOY::   "Let's hear some of the proverbs you have learned, Sunny."

SUNNY::   Okay ... I'll start out with some of the more familiar ones that everyone already knows. ... you know ... so that no one feels like a dope.

FATBOY::   "Good idea".

SUNNY::   Then, I shall begin. *Sunny gets out his notes*

There once was a cat from France ... who ....

oh, wait a minute ... wrong notes ... those are my limerick notes. That was the other course I was taking. Okay ...here are my proverbs notes: ahem ...

When life gives you lemons ... give them back.

SMOKY::   That's not how it goes.

FATBOY::   "Makes sense to me. Continue, Sunny."

SUNNY::   ahem ... if at first you don't succeed ... give up.

FATBOY::   "MOL!"

SMOKY::   That one's not correct either, Sunny.

SUNNY::   Did you take the course, Smoky?

SMOKY::   No, but ...

SUNNY::   Then I suggest you just listen and take notes. Perhaps you would prefer this version ... I have a few for that one.

if at first you don't succeed .... your idea probably stunk.

FATBOY::   "MOL! Stop Sunny, you're making me laugh!"

SMOKY::   Mommy won't let you say that one.

FATBOY::   "It is a little harsh, Sunny."

SUNNY::   Oh ... you're probably right. I'll correct it ... how about this: If at first you don't succeed, your idea probably smells.

FATBOY::   "That's a little better."

SMOKY::   None of these are correct. You're making them up.

SUNNY::   Helllll-oooo. I said I was impervising. Oh, Fatboy, you'll like this one.

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck ...... feed it already.

FATBOY::   "MOL! Oh, stop Sunny... you're making my tummy hurt ... MOL! MOL! *toot* ... oh excuse me."

SUNNY::   MOL! If at first you don't succeed ... toot toot again.

FATBOY::   "MOL!"

SMOKY::   Sunny, don't you have something "nice you can say?"

SUNNY::   Oh, thank you for reminding me about that one.

If you can't say something nice about someone they're probably crappy.

FATBOY::   "MOL ... *toot* oh, excuse me ... there's not a thing I can do about it,"

SMOKY::   You can stop eating all that popcorn, Fatboy. And, Sunny, Mommy doesn't let us use that word either.

SUNNY::   I can tone it down. How about this? If you can't say something nice about someone ... then shut your pie hole.

FATBOY::   "That's better. Hey, is anyone else getting a little hungry? I wonder if there's any pie in the kitchen."

SUNNY::   If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen then open a window.

FATBOY::   "Oh, Sunny stop! You're making my stomach hurt from laughing so much".

SUNNY::   If you can't laugh at yourself ... then laugh at someone else.

SMOKY::   Oh, I can't listen to this anymore. I'm going to go and watch the birds.

SUNNY::   A bird in the hand is worth $1.50.

FATBOY::   "Let's go and see about that pie, Sunny."

SUNNY::   Okay. It's almost time for bed anyways.

FATBOY::   "You're right and you know what they say ... never go to bed on an empty stomach."

THE END